Need advice in regards to my mother

By kallee89 on Thu, 02-02-12, 10:10

Posted in Group:

Parents

I am 41 years old, I have kids of my own, but my mother still seems to bring about this reaction in my entire being. My mom was a single mom from the time I was 4 when my dad left. Over time I found out things that she has/had lied to me about. Until yesterday the most recent one was that my dad didn't want to be in my life because he was just a bad guy. Even as a kid I tried to chalk it up to there being two sides, but he wasn't there to defend it so I have to take what she says. But I found out last year from my dad who I sought out a relationship with as an adult that the last time he came to see me she didn't show up and instead had him served with papers to keep him away. Yes, he could have fought it and all of that, but aside from that I keep thinking why would she keep me from him intentionally, then tell me it was all him?

Anyway, I took her to the ER yesterday. In passing in the conversation she throws in "well you know its like your grandpa killing himself." WHAT? I was 12 when he died, I was very well aware of his health and all of that, but why now? Why does she have to throw this out there? 30 years later? so is she lying now or has she been lying for 30 years? What else do I not know about that she's lied to me about? Then she throws in there that my aunts don't know, which opens up even more questions.

I have been in and out of therapy since I was 19 dealing with the crap she put on me, I have been off and on medications. Currently I am on zoloft to deal with anxiety. This threw me into a tailspin like nobody's business. I'm not sure what to do with this tidbit of information. I don't really know why she has this need to always keep me off balance. I I just am at a loss, but I cannot put it out of my mind. I am pretty sure that I am going to have to sever ties with her once and for all because I can't ride this roller coaster anymore. The emotional turmoil she brings to my life left me crying on the couch last night and doing alot of soul searching to try and figure out what I was REALLY upset over. I came to the conclusion, that its because of her and nothing else. What would you do?

Login or register to post comments
0 Support

By CK on Thu, 02-02-12, 10:59

As someone that cut their father out of their life, I am a huge believer that while it should never be a first resort, if you have a toxic family member, you have every right to cut them out. She sounds extremely toxic and it might be benefitial to at least take a trial seperation and see how this affects you.

So sorry you have to go through this, but it was personally the best decision I ever made.

-CK

Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast-Alice in Wonderland

Support Points: 37295

Badges

Offline

By kallee89 on Thu, 02-02-12, 11:47

Did you feel guilty? I have cut her out before, I actually went almost 8 years without talking to her, then gradually let her back in within limits. Like I said I'm a mom of four kids and my three oldest barely talk to her because of some of the things she has said and done to them, but my youngest is two and I want to nip this in the bud before it impacts her in anyway. BUT, omg I feel so guilty. Like the guilt of even thinking about it eats me up inside, even if I know that its the right thing to do.

Support Points: 50

Badges

Offline

By CK on Thu, 02-02-12, 17:29

No, I don't feel guilty because it is truly the best thing for me, he is a truly awful person who refuses to change.

Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast-Alice in Wonderland

Support Points: 37295

Badges

Offline

The information provided on SupportGroups.com is designed to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between a patient/site visitor and his/her health professional. This information and interaction provided on this site is solely for informational and educational purposes and does not constitute the practice of medicine. Information on this site does not replace the advice of your physician or other health care provider. Neither the owners or employees of SupportGroups.com nor the author(s) of site content take responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, procedure, exercise, dietary modification, application of medication or any other action which results from reading this site. Always speak with your primary health care provider before engaging in any form of self treatment. Please see our Legal Statement for further information.